Marauder Style Security
by lordblink
Summary: Who better to increase security measures, than the former rule breakers themselves!


Disclaimer:

I swear, on my life and processor chips, that I lay no claims to ownership of, or anything to do with anything to do with that of the Harry Potter universe. I also swear, on my life and processor chips, that I only intend on playing around with it for amusement purposes, and make no money from Joanne's original workss.

Marauder Style Security

As the opening feast came to its end, and the golden plates were once again gleaming pristinely clean, Dumbledor stood up to give his end of feast announcements.

Welcome back, to those of you returning..., and for those of you who have just joined us, I, and the faculty, bid you a fond welcome to Hogwarts. Classes will begin the day after tomorrow, so that will give the new students a day to learn your way around, and discover where your classes are from the time schedules you will be given tomorrow morning during breakfast. The entire list of banned items is available for your perusal upon Mr. Filch's office door." A slight smirk developed on Dumbledor's lips, and then vanished. "We would also like to remind you that there is to be no casting of spells within the hallways. Now, one further item, and then it is off to bed. There have been some slight changes made to the security of the entrance portals of each individual house. I won't go into details, as each house would like to keep their specific choices for security..., a secret, but to those wishing to obtain entrance, the choice will be quite clear. Now, off with you. Enjoy the rest of your evening, and sleep well."

As the individual students of Gryffindor made their way to the seventh floor, the golden trio quickly made their way up through the hidden passages, so as to be the first ones there, simply to see the new security measures in place. As the trio approached the painting of the fat lady, they gaped in awe at the new painting she resided in.

"Well, what do you think?" asked the fat lady. "My old painting was so blah and dreary, and when two alumni students offered to give me a new painting to reside in, I just couldn't pass up the offer. Not only are there new, and much tighter security measures involved," and with that announcement, the fat lady's eyes began to twinkle, "but I also get to eat all of my favorite foods, that I've missed ever so much!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione simply stood there, and stared at the painting of the fat lady. She was surrounded by several different varieties of Spanish, Italian, Asian andFrench delicacies, as well as others unknown to the trio. As she conversed with the three teenagers, she continued to continuously feed herself. As the first Gryffindor prefect approached the painting, he asked, "So, what's changed, other than the background of the painting?"

Don't know," replied Ron.

"We didn't get the password yet." responded Hermione.

Harry remained silent, simply because he had a sneaking suspicion that the two alumni students, were none other than Sirius Padfoot Black, and Remus Moony Lupin. When it came to those two, almost anything was possible.

"So, how do we get in?" asked the prefect.

'"Ask her."replied Harry.

The prefect turned to the painting, and said, "I request entrance to the Gryffindor commonroom, please."

"Password please!" responded the fat lady.

"Balderdash!" announced the prefect.

"Correct! Now, just one moment, and I will open the pathway for you."

With this pronouncement, the fat lady stood, turned around, and lifted her light weight summer dress up and over her enormous ass cheeks, which were completely bare. At that point, she leaned forward, slightly spread her legs open, and with a quick hand gesture, her arse cheeks began to spread open, to reveal the hallway into the commonroom. By this point, the entire house of Gryffindor had arrived to witness this new security feature.

"Ok, I don't care how you wanna describe it, that's just disgusting!" announced Parvati Patil.

"Well, Dumbledor did say that the security measures were going to be a lot tighter this year. I don't think you can get much tighter than that!" replied Seamus Finnigan.

"So what happens if a person from a different house happens to over hear our password, and tries to get in?" asked Katie Bell.

"Well..., I am continuously eating, and some of these foods could be described as quite gaseous," responded the fat lady.

With howling laughter, the entire group made their way into the Gryffindor commonroom, and ended their evening happily.

Later that next evening, Harry walked into the center of the ccommonroom, carrying a, slightly larger than normal, pensive. Attempting to control his giggles, he set it on top of the table in the center of the commonroom, and with asonorus spell cast, he requested the entirety of the Gryffindor house to join him in the commonroom. With a quick tap of his throat, and a quietus spell cast, he patiently waited for the house members to join him. Soon after, the entirety of the house was there, and several of the members were requesting reasons for being called away from what they were doing.

"I know you all have questions, and if you'll indulge me for a few moments, I will not only explain, but show you via this projection pensive." said Harry.

Moments later, the entire Gryffindor house was silent, and watching Harry continue to try and control himself. "Thank you. Now, the reason I've called you hear, was because I know exactly who it was that set up the security measures on the individual entrances to the house commonrooms. Not only that, but some of you also know who they are. For those of you who don't, a quick explanation is in order. Years ago, there was a small group of Gryffindor boys, who liked to joke around, and pull individual, as well as school wide pranks. One of them was my father, James Potter. The second was my Godfather, Sirius Black, and the third was our former DADA teacher, Remus Lupin. There was another, but he isn't even worth mentioning anymore. Anyway, knowing who it was that set up these measures, I had a sneaking idea that if someone who wasn't a member of this house attempted to gain entry, the end results would be more than hillareous. So, with this in mind, and with permission of Professor McGonnagle, I chose one of my favorite test subjects, to test the security measures. With that being said, let's watch the memory!"

With a tap of his wand, the memory projected itself above the pensive, large enough for all to see, and began to play. It began by showing Harry walking around the school, casually taking in his surroundings, until out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Drako Malfoy, and his two security goons, making their way towards him. After exchanging a few insults back and forth, Harry turned around, and began to walk away. He made sure to have a piece of paper drop out of his pocket in front of Drako, before he got too far away. Although he wasn't facing Drako, his memory strand would show the smile of glee come across Drako's face, as the password to the Gryffindor house was just presented to him. Later on, the pensive began to show a hidden individual watching the entrance to the Gryffindor tower. Moments later, Drako Malfoy slowly stalked up to the painting of the fat lady, surprisingly dressed in Gryffindor robes.

"I'd like to come in now, please!" said Drako, attempting to be polite.

A gleam showed in the eyes of the fat lady, and then she said, "Certainly. All you need to do is provide me with the password."

"Very well then..., it's Balderdash." replied Drako.

With a joyful smile, the fat lady replied, "Correct. Just a moment, while I open the pathway."

the individual stood there, and anxiously watched, as the fat lady once again stood up, turned around, lifted her summer dress up, to present her enormous ass cheeks. With a gesture of her hands, she began to spread her ass cheeks, and the opening appeared, or so Drako thought. He smiled triumphantly, and walked in. The fat lady let her arse cheeks slam close, and simply stood there, almost as if she were waiting for something. A few moments later, the arse cheeks of the fat lady began to jiggle rapidly, and with a sudden push, Drako was farted out with an enormous "BLURP!" sound. Drako rolled backwards down the stairs, and when he came to a stop at the bottom of the stairway, the wafting smell of dung bombs arose from his person.

"Oh my!" said the fat lady, who was once again back in her normal sitting position. "I guess that, not only are you not a member of Gryffindor house..., but I think that there was a bit too much garlic in that last bowl of chilli!"

After the memory had finished, there wasn't a single dry eye in the entire Gryffindor commonroom. Several of the members were kneeling on the floor, clutching their stomaches from over exerting themselves from laughter. After everyone had calmed down, and thanked Harry for the laugh, they all went to bed, except for one.

"Dobby!" called Harry.

With a sudden pop, Dobby popped into the commonroom, directly in front of Harry. "Mr. Harry Potter sir calls Dobby? What can Dobby be doing for Mr. Harry Potter sir?"

"I need you to do me a favor, Dobby. Here's what I want you to do!" And with that, Harry leaned down, and began whispering into Dobby's ear. Moments later, Dobby began to laugh histerically. Dobby knodded vigorously, and then popped away.

The next morning, as everyone was congregated for breakfast at the Gryffindor table, in the great hall, a sudden burst of noise came from the Slytherin table.

"POTTER!"yelled Malfoy, in absolute and utter rage."I'll get you for this, if it's the last thing I do!"

"What ever is the problem, Drako?" asked Harry. "I thought you'd enjoy them. After all, I put a lot of thought into that gift!"

Drako was so enraged, that he couldn't even string together a logical response. Without saying a word, he spun on his heels, and walked out of the great hall.

"Harry..., what exactly did you give him?" asked Hermione.

As the entire table was looking his way, quietly awaiting his response, he innocently looked back at Hermione, and said, "I asked Dobby to bring dear Drako an order of toast and cheese for breakfast this morning..., with extra garlic!" With a devilish grin directed Hermione's way, the entire table erupted in laughter, and carried on with their day!

The End!

A/N: Hope you all had as much fun reading it, as I did writing it. If anyone ever wants to use this idea, in a part of their story, feel free to. Just remember to credit the original idea to the ones who created them.


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